La la la la Lakoff

Humans are creatures of habit; we’ll try to frame anything to make ourselves more comfortable. When it gets weird is when we find ourselves mixing frames.

For example, on Saturdays I’m a waitress at a small, family-owned local restaurant (“Mom and Pop” died, now it’s their kids). Most of the time, our customers are regulars; I start making a pot of decaf before Bill and Nancy even sit down, and they always ask me how my semester is going. I’m comfortable waiting on them, and they welcome me into their lunch routine (and leave a decent tip). We’re in the same frame.

However, sometimes people will come in who are not used to the restaurant’s casual atmosphere (frame). They’re annoyed when they have to seat themselves, are confused when we don’t serve fries, and are taken aback when I collapse at the booth across from them to take their order. These customers live in a different frame. They aren’t interested in chatting and want to see me only for refills. Since I’m in the friendly-restaurant frame, I feel uncomfortable adjusting to their give-me-the-food-and-don’t-get-in-the-way-restaurant frame.

And you know what happens then? They complain about the lack of side dishes (which I can do nothing about), and I end up stereotyping them into the grumpy customer frame. My fellow servers and I are clearly the exnominated group (the customer is not always right). And that turns into an “us against them” mentality. They are the uncivil other; we are their polar opposite. This mixing of frames causes distress and discomfort which fortunately lasts only as long as a cheeseburger.